I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
