Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
