Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize