Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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