i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
