Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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