It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We have started to decorate penises.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
