I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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