I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
