Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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