textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
