So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We have so much sex to catch up on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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