Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
