i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
