We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My cat gives me a boner
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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