Old men and throwing up are my life now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
