the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
