so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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