did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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