Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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