I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
