I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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