So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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