i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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