There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
