May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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