While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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