I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
