Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
