great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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