I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
