hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
