i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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