My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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