I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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