I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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