you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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