I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
