she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
