I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
