ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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