Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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