so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
