the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
