your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
