Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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