My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Found the puke drawer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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