last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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