If i come over, it means nothing
Soap is not a condiment
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
