Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
