I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
