Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize