She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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