Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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