If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
