so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
