I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
