Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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