just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
