isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
