Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.