Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.