i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.