dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
