go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse