i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.