just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
