is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
