Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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