well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
