Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
