well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
