I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
