college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
