he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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